I said to my friend of many decades, “I’m glad that your husband is there to help you through this very challenging time and through all those tough times up to now. I’m also happy to hear that he is such a supportive partner to you.”
I wish I could say that I have a supportive partner too.
If only wishes could make dreams come true.
My family, friends, and my heart are all very well aware that I’ve been seeking a good, loving, mutual partner for a very long time. For decades now. I recall a fortune that I got in a cookie at a Chinese restaurant seven or eight years ago It read, “The love of your life is just around the corner.“
My immediate response is OK, well, where is he? I’ve been around so many corners and he still isn’t there.
Most adults I know have rounded their corners and found their mates in a variety of ways. Despite my years of trying, being available, seeking relationships, and extensive dating, my partner has yet to appear. Sometimes I wonder if I was so unaware or missed the clues of someone’s interest that when the opportunity presented, I didn’t notice. Hmmm.
I admit that I am not talented when it comes to flirting. Showing that I am attracted to someone doesn’t come easily. I have tried, though, each time, unsuccessfully. I suppose my underlying facets of fear, rejection, being dismissed, or even ridiculed, and being overtly vulnerable have hindered me.
I recall that hopeful fortune cookie now. I’m still hoping that it’s prediction will come true. I know it takes showing up to opportunities, having faith and doing the footwork to mix and mingle with people who are unattached. Sometimes it seems all the good men are either already taken, or aren’t looking for another partner, or simply are not people who seem compatible.
A longtime far away dear friend of mine, a man, said a few months ago after he visited me in my home for the first time, “This house will prove a disadvantage to you finding a mate.“ His wife replied, “Well that’s just ridiculous.” I asked him, “Why?” He replied, essentially, you’re so well established and on your own that many men would find you and your lovely home to be intimidating.
In that scenario, intimidated men would not be a suitable partner for me anyway.
I am not being boastful when I share that I am educated, capable, successful, pretty smart, and in every phase of my adulthood, a self-sustaining person. I am also an optimistic, open minded, accepting, and nonjudgmental woman. I do not have an “ideal type” list.
I’ll add that I have done the emotional, mental, and physical work to be evolved enough to make needed adjustments to myself and to make improvements. I know who I am. I am healthy. Most importantly, I am at peace within myself.
And, I am lonely. I don’t want to spend the rest of my interesting life solo.
By this point, I hope I will recognize the qualities of a potential unattached partner who may mesh well with me.
Yet, I’m still single. And as some in the current media would say, I have entered the “women who are now invisible and/or unattractive to men” phase of life.
Which brings to mind another notion. Looking back, I feel, in some respects, that I’ve always been one phase out of sync when it comes to dating and partnering.
In my 20s and early 30s, while I was hoping to date toward marriage and family, most of the men I encountered were seeking women younger than me, sportier than me, or who “looked good in an evening gown and in tight jeans“ or would be their “partner in crime“ whatever the hell that stupid phrase means. While I was single without children, divorced men who were fathers perceived me a mismatch because I had never been married and had no children.
In my 40s, beyond childbearing age, the men I met, unfortunately, I soon discovered were actually looking for younger women, women who could bear their children.
Now in my 60s, I still hope to discover and experience a mutually enriching life with a partner.
Fingers crossed.
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